Considerations on the possible return of compulsory military service
A kind of essay by Mr. von L'oreot on a possible state tension.
Chapter I: An unexpected phone call
It was a Tuesday. Or a Wednesday. I'm no longer sure. All I remember is a thermos flask of filter coffee, a sandwich with liver sausage - and a phone call.
"Hello, this is the Bundeswehr Career Center! You have been flagged for re-enlistment. Reactivation of compulsory military service. You understand."
Career center? German Armed Forces? I didn't understand anything at first. I had become accustomed to a life in which people left me alone as long as I didn't provoke them. A life with warm water, calculated tax assessments and a certain inner aversion to running through the woods in wellies.
So now I was to be "captured" again. Not in the spiritual sense, but apparently in a very concrete way - by name, physically and, if necessary, with storm luggage.
The lady on the phone was friendly. Almost too friendly. The kind of friendliness that makes you instinctively look for the escape route.
"This is initially only a measure of the national defense readiness survey preliminary structure."
I asked for a repeat. The lady sighed and read the word again, this time in slow official German.
I dutifully noted it down on a shopping list, between "toothpaste" and "crumble cake". It seemed to me to be of comparable importance.
Chapter II: The duties of the state and the duty of the citizen
In an ideal Germany - one in which mustard never runs out and the neighbor doesn't play leaf blower - there is a clear division of labor:
- The state protects, the citizen pays.
- The state proclaimed, the citizen nods.
- The state obligated - and the citizen puts on his shoes.
It is a system of reassuring clarity. Until the moment you are affected yourself.
"You have to be prepared"it said.
"It could be"they added.
And: "The duty applies to everyone."
I was assured that everything would be very humane. It wasn't about drill, but about "civic engagement". I remembered my last civic engagement experience: an election worker who asked me not to crumble the shortbread cookies when counting.
So now a larger scale. Compulsory service. Service to society.
I imagined a kind of modern gardening. With a uniform.
At the same time, I remembered that principle from biology class:
"If you don't train for a long time, you shouldn't expect to perform."
As a precaution, I decided not to promise any service.
Later that evening at home...
Chapter III: The media - the moderator without direction
The return of compulsory military service is a serious issue.
A very serious one.
So serious that it can hardly be left to a serious person. That's why - as always in serious matters the television.
In public discourse, this is expressed as follows:
A young presenter in a slim-fit jacket sits opposite a minister whose hairstyle looks as if it had been approved by the Office for the Protection of the Constitution.
Between them a table with a glass of water - half full or half empty, depending on the security situation.
The moderator begins:
"Mr. Minister, how dangerous is the situation if you are now thinking about compulsory military service?"
The Minister replies:
"We are not thinking about conscription. We think about security."
The moderator nods.
The camera zooms in.
The glass remains untouched.
At this point, the studio fades in the word "EXCLUSIVE" - while exactly the same sentences have already been used in five other formats. There, however, they were called "Sondersendung", "Hintergrund" or "Klartext" - depending on the station's identity and the color of the ticker tape.
Particularly noteworthy is the media visualization of the "civic commitment to duty":
We see archive footage of young men in undershirts making beds, followed by close-ups of tanks turning in gravel pits.
Accompanied by dramatic music, somewhere between crime scene and techno demo.
An off-screen speaker - warm, male, state-friendly - explains:
"It's not about war. It's about responsibility."
At times like this, I ask myself whether it is possible to wage war with responsibility.
Or responsibility without war.
Or war without any off-screen speakers.
In a late-night talk show, a journalist asks:
"But are young people today still willing to get involved at all?"
A young man in a hoodie and glasses answers:
"I don't have an opinion. But I do have a feeling."
An elderly professor with a beard - graceful but unpalatable - replies:
"In my generation, a sense of duty was part of the soup!"
Everyone laughs politely.
The program ends with a:
"That's it for today - stay alert",
while the ZDF credits music plays in the background - presumably composed by someone who was already alert in 1984.
Personally, I always have a teapot within reach for such formats. It doesn't protect me from conscription, but it does stop me from biting the screen prematurely.
Because what the media is trying to prevent is not the duty itself - but its explanation.
And if you watch long enough, you realize:
The tension in the reporting is elastic.
It stretches far -
but he rarely hits the target.
Chapter IV: Citizens in the stranglehold of duty
A homeland evening in five acts
🧍 1. the human being as a number
First of all, a citizen is a human being.
At least that was the case until now.
However, since there has been more talk about compulsory military service - i.e. the ceremonial return of the individual to the folding box of collective national defense - the perception has changed.
"Müller, Karl, born 1988 - can be used in support group 7b (logistical, wheelchair-related)."
So you are no longer asked:
"What are you particularly good at?"
But rather:
"What would you least expect?"
📋 2. registration - gentle but firm
Modern recording is paperless.
By e-mail, app or QR code.
You receive a "digital summons" where you can fill in whether you feel able to wear a gas mask in an emergency.
If not, the form at least offers alternatives:
"I'm good at making sandwiches (for a maximum of 80 people)."
"I have a clipboard and I can keep it."
"I was in the army in the 90s, but I can only remember goulash."
Anyone who fills this out correctly is automatically assigned to a defense form:
active, semi-passive, or morally supportive (comment column on the Internet).
🛏 3. the reorganization of the habitat
As soon as the citizen is registered, changes are made. For example, he receives:
- an orange cloth bag with the inscription: "When it starts, you'll know first."
- an invitation to the orientation meeting in community center B, room 6 (through the equipment room, then left). Tea will be served, but only if the thermos flask from the civil defense camp works.
- a leaflet with instructions on the correct storage of spreads during a heightened state of alert. It states, among other things: "Margarine is not a protective material."
🚨 4. the control question: Can I still say "no"?
Many citizens ask themselves: "Do I have to do this?" The answer is:
"No - except when you have to."
That is reassuring.
Because it shows that there is still a choice - but only between the options:
- "Voluntary commitment"
- "Obligatory voluntariness"
- or "Voluntary mandatory contribution as part of a service-oriented consideration (short form: mandatory)"
Anyone who resists this is considered unwilling to integrate, but this should not be confused with unwillingness to integrate - a term used exclusively in foreign policy training exercises.
🧦 5. the resistance is forming - quietly
A man in my circle of acquaintances - let's call him Mr. Dobermann - recently declared that he would hide under the living room table if he was called up. When asked, it turned out that he had already moved in beforehand because he didn't want to discuss energy-saving light bulbs with his wife.
So he would be prepared.
His dog is already wearing a field cap.
📜 Conclusion: order is a must - even if nobody knows what for
It used to be said that citizens were the backbone of democracy.
Today, it is often just a phone number in a government Excel spreadsheet under the "Mobilization: civil" tab.
And yet: there is hope. Because as long as people write on paper while tablets crash, as long as potato salad is considered a crisis supply and as long as a responsible citizen wonders whether to lift the left or the other left first when marching -
...as long as there are people who retain a bit of humor even in the face of duty.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the true backbone.
Chapter V: Between word and effect - the art of control
📺 Words, words, ineffectiveness
At a time when words such as "resilience", "mobilization" and "service-oriented society" are being used with increasing cheerful seriousness on the evening news, it is striking:
Nobody asks what exactly that means anymore.
"Resilience" today is when the pressure increases -
and the citizen still doesn't burst.
Meanwhile, the authorities explain in clear officialese that they are not planning to impose an obligation, but are merely checking whether they need to check how they would check if they were to check.
The citizen - between coffee machine and energy saving plan - listens.
He nods.
He does not understand.
But he senses that something is being prepared.
🧩 The trick with language
Loriot would have said:
"It's like the Christmas goose - first it's stuffed, then it's seasoned, then it's told: now it's going in the oven, but nobody ever asked if it was even invited."
This is also how the language of the preparatory measures works:
- "Preventive structures" are what used to be called "advance warning".
- "Flexibilized civic duty" was once "military service".
- "Necessary participation within the framework of social stability" used to mean: "Hold still, Müller."
What is cast in paragraphs today was just a regulars' table idea yesterday and will be "no longer debatable" tomorrow.
🧠 Control does not start with uniforms
True control does not begin with the marching orders.
It begins long before that:
- at the Vocabulary in the press conference,
- at the Transmitter sequence on state television,
- at the Pitchwhich suddenly makes the concept of "personal responsibility" seem close to the state.
It is the art of using words to create a climate in which coercion no longer looks like coercion - but like a "sense of duty".
Or even worse: like "reason".
🎻 The citizen as background music
While all this is happening, the citizen remains polite. He fills out forms, gives feedback on online surveys and clicks the cross:
"I have read and understood the information on mobilization capability."
Of course he didn't understand anything.
But he hopes that people will then leave him alone.
The state, which is preparing itself, reassures him:
"Don't worry, it only affects very few people. Most people don't even notice."
Most people really don't notice anything.
But this is known to change quickly.
Vicco von Bülow in an interview in 1979 (Source: Radio Bremen)
🕯️ Closing words: An invitation to reflect
If you have read this text up to this point, I would like to thank you. Not because you have become wiser - I cannot promise that
but because you have paused to think about something that usually only appears in news phrases or draft legislation.
Duty is not the problem.
It is the thoughtlessness with which it could be reintroduced.
They used to say:
"Resist the beginnings."
Today they say:
"Please click on 'Agree'."
It's not about whether compulsory military service is right or wrong. It's about whether we still know what we are actually supporting when we remain silent.
And whether we can still distinguish between the state that protects and the state that interferes - and then stays.
Perhaps the civic duty in 2025 is not to immediately "Yes" to say. But to ask first:
"What exactly for?"
And: "Who benefits from it - and who doesn't?"
Anyone who does that is not marching.
But he thinks - and that has always been the most dangerous form of resistance.
With binding and reserved greetings
from the impossibility of silence
Your Lord of L'oreot
Future with a charger - Mr. von L'oreot buys an e-scooter
Mr. von L'oreot orders an e-scooter - and encounters polystyrene, charging time and reality. A humorous story about electric mobility, visits to the bakery and the little ironies of everyday life - 750 meters long. Afterwards: Tea, a fireplace and a quiet realization.
Frequently asked questions (FAQ)
- What does a state tension mean in Germany and what would the consequences be?
See article on a possible state tension in Germany - How can I act and can I refuse possible military service?
See article on Conscription and conscientious objection - Is it a legal requirement to hold a liver sausage roll in your hand when you are called up?
Only if you show a slightly puzzled expression and get in touch with the Thermos Ministry. Otherwise, a slice of hunting sausage will do. - Can my Doberman exempt me from military service if he is already wearing the military cap?
Only if the dog has demonstrably completed basic training and military training - preferably in Lower Saxony. - Do I have to grant my neighbor asylum if he has barricaded himself under the table armed with energy-saving light bulbs?
Not necessarily. However, it is advisable to slip a new 100-watt light bulb and a daily newspaper from 1982 under the table. - How do I know if the call is a genuine military service notice or just my brother-in-law being bored?
Genuine military service notices always come in a slightly sauerkraut-smelling envelope with the words "Confidential - Bundeswe(h)r's!" printed on it. - Does the obligation to do so also apply inside the thermos flask or only outside?
According to §12 (3) of the Compulsory Service Ordinance of 1958, the contents of the thermos flask are left to the owner, provided he has duly completed his civilian service with the spoon. - What if the minister on TV looks like a postponed visit to the dentist?
Then you should urgently switch off the TV, close the curtains and pop in a Loriot video from the archive. Alternatively, a quiet look out of the window will also help. - If compulsory becomes compulsory again - can I then also submit my tax return with a ruler?
Only if the ruler is DIN-compliant and bears the signature of the tax office prefect. Otherwise there is a risk of subsequent taxation on paper weight. - What should I do if my living room increasingly looks like a Territorial Defense base?
Move all conversational situations into the bathroom and only hold debates wearing a bathing cap. This signals determination. - Do I have to inform my wife about every military service notice?
No. You can also turn over the liverwurst tin instead. According to the family protocol of 1973, this is considered an indirect communication of overriding strategic relevance. - Why was the dog wearing the cap and not the man?
Because in many cases dogs reach the rank of private more quickly, especially in westerly winds. Men, on the other hand, have to mow the lawn at least three times. - Can I play the tuba instead of carrying a rifle in the Bundeswehr?
Yes - as long as you can play the marching song "Wir lagen vor Madagaskar" backwards on the tuba without any mistakes. In step, of course. - Is it permissible to document the mandatory duties in a specification?
Absolutely. Specifications are even compulsory from the fourth compulsory level onwards. However, they may only be written on with ballpoint pens from Bundeswehr stocks. - How do I behave correctly when the television starts to lie, but my liverwurst sandwich has already been eaten?
First, finish chewing. Then sit demonstratively at the side of the TV, mumble "Oh dear!" and switch to freeze frame. - Can I slap the presenter on TV, even if I'm just a spectator?
Only symbolically - by tapping lightly on the screen with an old copy of the 2023 TV guide. Anything else would be impolite and possibly subversive of the state.